Live Out Loud?

I have found, as of late, that I have this overwhelming need to live life out loud. I mean like really, really loud. The second a thought is in my head, I wanna scream it from the rooftops. Ok, maybe that's exaggerating a bit. But seriously, I am impatient. If I have something in my head, I need to get it out. My friends (specifically the Buckies Crew) could tell you that I am THE pro-interrupter. I'd say I am 100% a fan of "word vomit". (No, that is NOT actual vomit). As I've been realizing this about myself over the past few weeks, I've been wondering at the benefit of it. Yes, talking about my worries and fears as they're happening gives me immediate relief. But is there something I'm missing? Or maybe it's someone? Is there maybe something to be said about being still? About waiting? About not immediately turning to a person to relieve the stress I'm under?

What about where God says, "Be still, and know that I am God"? Is my need to live my thoughts out loud hindering me from really knowing? In the last few days, as God brought things to my attention that, granted need to be talked about, I decided to try this whole "being still" thing. Now this was not in the least bit easy for me. As my mind raced, and I devised every possible scenario for the outlet of this storm brewing in my mind, I felt God say one simple word to me, "Stop". Wait, what was that God? Stop? Really? Are you sure? I thought this whole going over it over and over in my mind helps me to figure out what I'm feeling. I mean, I DID already pray and ask you to come into my thoughts. Again, "Stop". Alright, alright...I guess I can stop. And with that simple choice to still my mind, something happened. God came in. He brought peace and reassurance.

A few days later, though, I found myself in the EXACT same place. Why do I always come back here, God? Do I find some sort of comfort in my crazed thoughts? How do I really live in the peace and assurance you provide? What will it take for me to finally be able to still my spirit before Him? Maybe I will always come up against situations in life that will threaten to steal my peace and bring chaos and unrest to my spirit. It is my hope, though, that as I move forward, that God would quicken my spirit to finding that place of rest. I really do want to lose myself in him. To be enveloped, surrounded.

So, is it wrong to live life out loud? If this is me, am I supposed to change? What would God say? I think, perhaps, that the answer lies in how loud I allow myself to be. God made me just the way I am, and yes, He's molding me and shaping me, but I know that my love for talking and sharing life with others is something that He's deposited in me. I just need to keep the decibels to a comfortable level so I don't drown out His voice in me.

"May your voice be louder. May your voice be clearer. Than all the others, than all the others, in my life..."