To Give AND To Take? That Is the Question.

Give and take. Give and take. Give and take. I give you five dollars. I'll take that hamburger and fries. I give you a birthday present. I'll take one from you on my birthday (must be of the same value as the one I gave to you, of course). I give you my listening ear to hear about your day. I'll take advantage of yours next time I have a rough day. I give you a piece of my heart. You bet I'm expecting to be able to take a piece of yours too.

Life's all about fairness, right? Giving and taking go hand in hand. I mean, it's really impossible to have one with out the other. They're like two peas in a pod. As long as they're together, everyone is happy...

But really what is this little action-packed pair creating in us? Is this duo really teaching us anything? You bet it is. Expectations. It's teaching us to have them. To expect that if we give of ourselves in any way, physically, emotionally, spiritually, that there will be something for us to take. Something for us to fill the little place in us where we gave. Something to justify our giving.

What happens when there's nothing there to take? You've given something important to you. You reach out your hand to take what you "deserve" in return. "Hmmm nothing there. Maybe I need to reach a little further." Stretching, grasping, searching. Once again, returning empty-handed. Frantic, you start questioning yourself. "Was I wrong in giving? How come there is nothing there for me to take? Isn't that the way things work? Shouldn't I be repaid for my giving?"

And then, it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I realized exactly what all of this was about. My expectations. Selfish, really. Yes, I might say I was giving out of the "kindness of my heart". Or just because that's "who I am". But really, was I? If in my giving, I wanted the privilege of taking something as "payment" for what'd I'd given, where was my focus? It was on me. On what I could get, on how I could feel, on what someone could do for me. And all of it really didn't matter.

We are called to die to ourselves, to take up our cross, and to follow Jesus. Dying is a painful process. And if we're doing it for the sake of another, it's a selfless act. That means it pays no regard to what it can get. It's only concern is what it can give. I want to be selfless. To give without expectations. To love without expectations. To live without expectations. Expectations of what I can receive in return. My giving shouldn't be conditional. It shouldn't be based upon what another does or doesn't do. Ultimately, I should give, simply because it's what Jesus has called me to. He's already set a perfect example for me to follow. And even more, HE promises that He will fill me up as I give out. I don't have to rely on others to do that for me. If I did, I'd always come up short, always grasping for something that isn't there. But thankfully, in all my stretching, grasping, and searching, there was something I missed. A firm hand longing to fulfill my needs, and promising that if only I gave by His standards, I'd never come back empty-handed.

I think I have a new idea on this whole give and take thing. It's called eliminate the taking. Give and give and give and give and give. And when you feel like you can't give anymore and are in need refilling, turn to the Only One who really offers anything valuable worth taking.

Let That Be Enough

When my mind is filled with uncertainty
I look up to find you staring at me
And the tears in Your eyes
Match the ones in mine
And I know You are here

You are here
Let that be enough
You are here
Let that be enough

When I've lost all hope and can't move on
The storm in my heart You seek to calm
And in Your perfect peace
Every fear I release
And I know You are here

Live Out Loud?

I have found, as of late, that I have this overwhelming need to live life out loud. I mean like really, really loud. The second a thought is in my head, I wanna scream it from the rooftops. Ok, maybe that's exaggerating a bit. But seriously, I am impatient. If I have something in my head, I need to get it out. My friends (specifically the Buckies Crew) could tell you that I am THE pro-interrupter. I'd say I am 100% a fan of "word vomit". (No, that is NOT actual vomit). As I've been realizing this about myself over the past few weeks, I've been wondering at the benefit of it. Yes, talking about my worries and fears as they're happening gives me immediate relief. But is there something I'm missing? Or maybe it's someone? Is there maybe something to be said about being still? About waiting? About not immediately turning to a person to relieve the stress I'm under?

What about where God says, "Be still, and know that I am God"? Is my need to live my thoughts out loud hindering me from really knowing? In the last few days, as God brought things to my attention that, granted need to be talked about, I decided to try this whole "being still" thing. Now this was not in the least bit easy for me. As my mind raced, and I devised every possible scenario for the outlet of this storm brewing in my mind, I felt God say one simple word to me, "Stop". Wait, what was that God? Stop? Really? Are you sure? I thought this whole going over it over and over in my mind helps me to figure out what I'm feeling. I mean, I DID already pray and ask you to come into my thoughts. Again, "Stop". Alright, alright...I guess I can stop. And with that simple choice to still my mind, something happened. God came in. He brought peace and reassurance.

A few days later, though, I found myself in the EXACT same place. Why do I always come back here, God? Do I find some sort of comfort in my crazed thoughts? How do I really live in the peace and assurance you provide? What will it take for me to finally be able to still my spirit before Him? Maybe I will always come up against situations in life that will threaten to steal my peace and bring chaos and unrest to my spirit. It is my hope, though, that as I move forward, that God would quicken my spirit to finding that place of rest. I really do want to lose myself in him. To be enveloped, surrounded.

So, is it wrong to live life out loud? If this is me, am I supposed to change? What would God say? I think, perhaps, that the answer lies in how loud I allow myself to be. God made me just the way I am, and yes, He's molding me and shaping me, but I know that my love for talking and sharing life with others is something that He's deposited in me. I just need to keep the decibels to a comfortable level so I don't drown out His voice in me.

"May your voice be louder. May your voice be clearer. Than all the others, than all the others, in my life..."

Service: Trial or Joy?-12/05/09

Service. An act of helpful activity. Sounds simple. Hey, they even threw the word “activity” in there. Makes it sound like some sort of diversion or leisurely pleasure. And I’ll give you that. Serving does bring joy, and in many situations can feel like an “activity”. If you see a person in need, physically, emotionally, or spiritually, it’s sometimes second nature to want to lend a helping hand to do what you can to fulfill that need. Then, you in turn, hope that when you’re in need, that person will give back to you what they’ve been given. But what if they don’t? What about the things you do that go unnoticed or unacknowledged? What about the favors given out that are not returned? That’s where things get tricky. That’s where serving people can become hard. For me, that’s where the rubber meets the road, and I find out what I’m really made of. Why am I really serving in the first place? Is it so I can get something in return? If that’s my heart in serving, then I really am not having God’s heart when I’m serving. No matter how many times I’ve been here in this place, I still keep coming back. I give so much, look for something in return, and when I find nothing, I become bitter and resentful towards those I serve. I reach the point where I feel spent and that I’ve given perhaps too much. I want to retreat. Maybe serve a little less. When I try that, I can’t, though. It’s like no matter how much I want to “take a break” from serving others, I just simply cannot. I guess that’s almost the same as saying I want a break from my Christian life. It doesn’t really work. What I really need is an attitude check. What is my motive for serving in the first place? If I’m serving to get something from the people I’m serving, I will never ever be satisfied. My expectations will always remain unmet. Jesus gives us clear instructions as to what our attitude should be when serving. “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” (Colossians 3:17). When we serve, Jesus is to be our point person. He’s the one we should be directing our service towards. We should be doing things for others in order to bring Him fame. He should be glorified not only in how we serve, but also in our attitude behind it. He looks more at our heart behind our actions than what we are actually doing. Oh that God would come, and change my heart that I could serve freely, purely, unreservedly. That my only aim would be to bring glory to His name. Then, and only then, will I discover the joy of true service.


"Those who have served well gain an excellent standing and great assurance in their faith in Christ Jesus." -1 Timothy 3:13

Remembering-11/08/09

Remembering. The act of doing this can evoke a myriad of emotions. Anger. Frustration. Hurt. Comfort. Happiness. Joy. Each one of these emotions is tied to a memory. At times, we strive our best to not remember. If we remember that time in our life, it stirs up the feelings of anger, frustration and hurt that go along with it. Why would we want to remember something so negative? If, however, we have memories to which comfort, happiness and joy are attached, we are eager and quick to remember those times. Those memories bring a smile to our face.

The memory is a strange thing. A certain smell or color or time of year can in one second bring us back to a specific time or place in an instant. One thing that strikes me about remembering is that it is so incredibly specific to the individual. What for one may bring happiness may for another bring a tear to the eye. Remembering with regards to occurrences in our lives here on earth can easily pull us in two very opposite directions, depending on how we were thinking or feeling at that time.

Today, during worship, we were asked to bring ourselves to a place of remembering with God. When the pastor first mentioned this, I cringed. So many times, when I’m worshipping, and I begin remembering, the things that my mind uncovers are painful. It’s like I immediately focus on something that was negative. But today, God had something else in mind. He was going to teach me through this process of remembering. God wanted me to remember His promises. He didn’t want me to look to a time when this or that happened, things that were completely wrapped up in and based on myself or other people. No, this time the focus was to be on Him. God pointed me to specific things that He had spoken to me, and said, “Remember this…”. My initial reaction was, “Yeah, God. Of course I remember. I remember because I’m still waiting for You to fulfill that promise. “ As I began to think on the things He was bringing up, however, I came to a very important realization. The reason behind my negativity about remembering those promises was because I had turned them into something that was about me and my selfish desires. I wanted Him to fulfill what He had spoken to me right then and there and in the exact way I though was best. Where was the trust? If I begin to focus on a situation or person, I lose sight of where my hope should be centered. I begin thinking of every possible way God could fulfill His promises and every person He could use to do so. Why all the worry? It gets me nowhere, and then I begin to try to forget His promises so that I am not disappointed. When I couple my remembering of His promises with a hope and a trust in Him, however, I will never be disappointed. God wants me to remember and cling to His promises so that in the end, I will know His glory. If God can be glorified in my remembrance of His promises in my life, I will strive to that end with all that I have.

“For no matter how many promises God has mad, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God.”- 2 Corinthians 1:20

Thoughts of the Day-10/22/09

“Our break with the world will be the direct out come of our changed relation to God. For the world of fallen men does not honor God. Millions call themselves by His name, it is true, and pay some token respect to Him, but a simple test will show how little He is really honored among them. Let the average man be put to the proof on the question of who or what is above, and his true position will be exposed. Let him be forced into making a choice between God and money, between God and men, between God and personal ambition, God and self, God and human love, and God will take second place every time. Those other things will be exalted above. However the man may protest, the proof is in the choices he makes day after day through his life.”-The Pursuit of God-A.W. Tozer


As I read through this quote from Tozer’s amazing book (seriously, READ it), I reflect back on my life. I could go on and on about times in my life where God has been relegated to second place. For some reason, I feel that I can take comfort in the fact that it was a very close second. Really, though, does this minor detail matter? I still have failed to give God His rightful place in my life. No matter how much “blessing” I could achieve or greatness I could attain by my choices, it really holds no value or significance unless it is a direct reflection of my Father. We are called to imitate Jesus. This means that when I look at myself, I should see Jesus. More importantly, when others look at me, their eyes should be directed towards the person of Jesus. When I chose to give Jesus residency in my life, I chose to deny myself, to surrender my desires. I am to be an example of who Jesus is in everything I say and do.


How do I do this? Do I just need to have amazing will-power? What if I’m not feeling so strong? What if my fleshly desires conflict with God’s will? Many times I think that I’ll be strong enough in and of myself to walk out this Christian life. Maybe if I can just prove this to myself, it’ll get easier as time goes. There’s something terribly wrong, however, with this thought process. It’s the word “I”. If we live life in this “I” mentality, eventually our foundation (ourselves) will fall apart. Our choices will be direct proof of this. Beginning with the little things, eventually we find ourselves entangled in sin.


The solution to this is simple. Put Jesus in the center. Delve into Scripture. The Word of God is living and active. It doesn’t lose its power the more you read it. It just gets more and more powerful. It breaks down defenses. It softens the heart. It inspires change. It makes you into the man or woman God intended you to be. It teaches us what it means to reflect Jesus. We need to take God just as He is, for He doesn’t change. Then we need to change our lives so that we can be effective in the Kingdom of God. When we face the fire, we don’t want to emerge staggering, burned and starving for life. With a life centered on Jesus, we will emerge standing upright, unscathed, and clinging to the arms of Jesus more than ever. Better yet, we will be refined and pure as gold.


“But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold. My feet have closely followed his steps; I have kept to his way without turning aside. I have not departed from the commands of his lips; I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily bread. “-Job 23:10-12

Compassion 101-10/09/09

This morning as I went out for a morning run and was mulling over Amanda's teaching on compassion from home group last night, numerous thoughts filled my mind. As 'How He Loves' played through my iPod, I began to get a glimpse of the extent of Jesus' compassion and love for each and every person. Jesus doesn't offer His compassion, and then, when it is not received, relinquish His offer. Instead, when we disregard Jesus' compassion, consciously or unconsciously, He searches for another opportunity, another way to share His compassion and get into our hearts. He uses whatever means necessary to make that entrance. Patiently, He waits until we are ready to receive. He does not use force, but approaches us with gentleness and grace. He speaks to us in whatever way that He can and uses those around us as conduits of His compassion. He knows us inside and out. He doesn't have just one method for showing compassion. Each and every one of us responds to different displays of compassion. It is as if He knows our "song", the thing that drives us and moves us to action. So He plays that song so that He may reach us right where we are at. If need be He will sing the first line over and over and over again until we get it. For some of us, that's what it takes for us to come to realize His compassion for us.
With this in mind, I began to search my own heart. So many times, when I extend Jesus' compassion, it goes unnoticed or unheard. In my heart, I begin to develop feelings of frustration and ask, "Why can't they just get it? Don't they see that it's what they need?". After doing the same thing a few times, I often reach a place of hopelessness. I begin to wonder if they'll ever get it. Maybe that's just the "way" they are. If, however, we are called to "Be imitators of Christ, therefore, as dearly loved children" (Ephesians 5:1), then are we not to seek to be like Him in everything we say and do? In this, doesn't that mean that no matter how many times we extend compassion that goes un-received, we are called to continue offering it? Like Amanda said, it's not really OUR compassion we're giving out anyways. It's HIS. Thankfully, the responsibility does not lie with us. It's up to Him.
So what does this mean? Well, I feel like for me it means that I am to try, by whatever means necessary, to communicate the compassionate and loving heart of Jesus Christ. If that means changing from my way of doing things so that I may be in tune with someone else's "song", I will make that sacrifice. If it means doing the same thing over and over again with no results, I will continue to persevere. If I become weary in extending compassion, I have only to ask Jesus for a refilling; perhaps, a reminder too that this is not of my own strength but of His. There is an infinite amount of comfort in that knowledge and in it, we can find rest.

"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you." -Ephesians 4:32